Monday, January 6th launches the “fresh start” to the new year for me. Holidays mid week are not made for proper (timely) planning. Therefore, today is my “official” start to 2020!
I’m waaay behind on posts so you’ll be seeing a landslide of them this week covering my December friends trip to NYC, then Christmas, NYE and the annual Dixon party which was this past Saturday, January 4th.
Today is actually a bit poetic in illustrating how life has been the past year ++ or maybe how life is going to be as we age. As I woke this morning to launch the first full week of the new year, my hacking cough starts up again from this cold I have due to the forever changing winter/fall Ohio weather. The hubs now has it too and could barely sleep. We wake to both feeling to crappy to go to our 6am workout. The alarm goes off again at 7am with snoozing until 7:30am, I jump from bed to get the kids moving off to their first day back to school. Gina can’t find her new coat so we get out the door late & arrive to school barely on time. I have 2 doctor appointments scheduled today and a drive to Indy for funeral services. Hmmmm – why does all this sound like several days in life LAST year?!?
It’s 2020 damn it! Don’t the New Year Gods know we’re supposed to have a perfect launch to the day, week, month, year?!?! TODAY IS THE DAY! THE fresh & new start day with everything perfect & positive. The bad of 2018 & 19 are in the past! Woohoo! So now we start 2020 with butterfly kisses and rainbow farts…Right!?! Well, obviously not. I did reschedule those doc appointments so that’s at least off the docket for today. But the drive to Indy for another sad goodbye is the majority of today’s agenda.
Mary Dixon, my step-mother, passed away unexpectedly Friday. She was a very kind women who wouldn’t hurt a fly. She & my dad were married for several years. Sadly, I don’t remember exactly how many at the moment. I want to say @14, give or take. He loved her very much and she was always very sweet & welcoming to the Dixon family. I do wish I had more conversations with her. I was always busy busy busy when they visited us or when we were in Florida that I didn’t really slow down enough to just spend time with them…to BS and chat about whatever.
It’s interesting when folks pass away and you hear others tell stories about your parent or relative that just passed. You often hear that they shared moments with your loved one that was probably more profound or genuine than some of your own experiences with that person. That may not be the case for most, but feels like it a bit for me. To be honest, I’d love to play a round of hand & foot with both Mary & my Dad now and I can’t. Sadly, I don’t know if I ever just sat & played cards with just the 2 of them. I’d like to think I did at some point over the years at the lake, but I can’t picture it in my mind, so it probably didn’t happen.
So now, let’s get back to that perfect launch to the new perfect vision year of 2020. I do feel that today is symbolic of the future and a new constant with age. We all know that perfect doesn’t exist, therefore expecting it sets us up for failure consistently. I’ve been that person that wants to hit the do-over button and have it really work! To start off with positive changes and not get derailed when life throws death, illness or just plain old bad luck our way. LIFE HAPPENS & we can’t stop it! It’s going to happen in a positive or negative way regardless so its time to change my expectations.
So now I shall focus on this launch to the new year a tad different. I realize its ok that it doesn’t look “perfect”. It’s ok that it’s not how I scripted or envisioned. As we get older there will be more hurdles. Loved ones will pass away, or get sick. Friends will move on or get closer. Life is a moving part that we have to embrace. It’s easy to be overwhelmed when life goes in a different direction. It’s also easy to be stagnant and allow the rough patches to become a slump or more. For as many years as I can remember, I’ve said that I have bad luck or a dark cloud over my head. Some of you reading this may have also thought “man, she can’t catch a break” when first hearing of another loss in our family. Well, this year & this time I want to head into the year with a different state of mind. It’s not bad luck or dark clouds…it’s life!
It is my goal this year (and hopefully every year) to allow myself to reflect on loss or hurdles and turn them into positives. For example…stop & play cards. Sit and have a conversation on the phone or in person instead of letting it go to voicemail. SEND the card or note you’ve been meaning to send. GO for the walk you’ve been talking about going on. READ the book that’s been next to your bed for months. Simply reflect upon a positive change that can come from a negative & actually implement it. Mary loved to read, so that shall be my positive change. I will FINISH a book this month. Yep – that’s a challenge for me. LOL! I don’t chill or focus long enough to finish a book…ever. So when I do, I’ll thank Mary ?
Happy New Year Folks! May your 2020 be PERFECTLY IMPERFECT
Pretty Perfect Blog. I’d say! I am all about reading the book I keep putting off. Also listen to music more and dance!!! Love You Dene!!!! Happiest of New Years to You and your Awesome Family!!!!