At the age of 10 my curves started to sprout. By 6th grade the boy who sat behind me in class was singing “chaka khan – let me rock you, let me rock you Chaka khan” in my ear. I’ve heard “nice rack” to many times to remember. I recall being 16 (maybe 17) swimming in an indoor hotel pool after my cousins wedding. There were several adults from the wedding ranging from ages 25-45 around the pool or in an adjacent room enjoying their adult beverages after the reception. I was in my bikini and when I got out I didn’t cover up immediately with a towel. My dad came up to me and said “get dressed or cover up, people are looking at you…at your body”. I replied with “SO” but proceeded to do as he said.
In more recent years I recall being at the Varsity Club after an OSU game and a man (probably early to mid 30’s) looked at my 35 year old married, mother of 3 self and said “nice tits”. It was a hot pre-season game and I was wearing a tank top. He was passing me just inches away on their super crowded patio. He was close enough in proximity for me to simply grab his left hand, look at his ring finger and say “you’re not married?” He looked at me with a smirk on his face and said “no”. I replied with “and now I know why!” His friends laughed and said “ouch! She got you!” I was glad to have a quick demeaning retort to his offensive ballsy statement.
My “curves” aka big boobs, tits, rack have received quite a bit of attention throughout the years since they first bud. In my younger years I was not comfortable with them. I had a cute hourglass figure (that I would kill to have now) and was shy about showing it. Not until I graduated college was I even fully comfortable wearing fitted shirts, halter dresses, or anything that potentially accentuated my curves. I recall laying out in the sun once in my bikini in my high school boyfriends back yard. His mother came out, looked at me and said “wow! Why do you cover that up with giant clothes all the time!” Mind you this was the early 90’s grunge days, therefore men’s giant flannels and ripped jeans were the style, but her compliment on my figure oddly resonated with me in a positive way. I really had no response other than being a little embarrassed, but appreciated her point. To this day I’m not quite sure why it took until my 30’s to really feel comfortable in my skin. WHY?!?!?! Was it because of my 6th grade Chaka-Chan song experience? Was it my parents? Was it society as a whole?
Fast forward to now – my chest looks quite different. The “girls” were a part of my life for over 30 years. I hated them for years and the attention they drew to me. Then, just shy of my 45th birthday, I discovered they were trying to kill me. December 10th I had a double mastectomy with immediate reconstruction due to Breast Cancer. I wanted the immediate reconstruction because I knew if I woke up without anything, my mental state wouldn’t rebound as quickly. The “girls” didn’t define who I was, but they sure had played a lead role in my self-esteem & confidence (or at times lack there of). I had to learn to own them and not allow my curves to even be a thing of negativity. It wasn’t my fault I had curves so why get the brunt of the demeaning behavior they often brought to me?
I’ve spent months and several surgeries trying to get my chest back to a status I’m happy with so I can wear what I want and feel good…feel like ME again. I may require another procedure or 2 just to get as close as possible to my version of a “nice rack”. I want to buy whatever bathing suite I want or a halter dress or anything that might show a little cleave. I mean, if my almost 46 year old self wants to wear something fitted or low cut, you bet your sweet ars I’m going to do it! Pretty sure I earned the right and if Mr. or Mrs. Judgy-pants wants to come along and look me up & down, I look forward to their discovery of knowing what I went through just to have a cleavage to show again.
Speaking of Mr. or Mrs. Judge-pants, I’ve recently been faced with a situation with my daughter and friends where they’ve been made to feel how I felt many years ago when I was demeaned or shamed because of my curves…because of my God given figure.
Maria’s homecoming was a few Saturdays ago (yes, this post is delayed, but I’ve been busy). She attends a Catholic school with dress code(s). The dress code for the event stated they needed to have “modest” dresses or they could get turned away from entering the dance. 
Well, her dress broke the code. I knew this “code” was being broken when she left, yet I sent her on her way with a long flowing sweater to keep her warm and cover her rule-breaking dress if need-be. 
I had watched her change 3 times in and out of dresses that all passed MY test but may not have passed the “modest” test of the school. Once I saw her with the shoes, jewelry etc, I actually leaned toward the one that probably broke both the fitted and short test. Just 5 minutes before we went out to take pictures she was in a black dress (similar to her Freshman HOCO dress) when her sister walked in and said I liked the other (rule breaking) one better. WE ALL DID! I told her to just wear what she wanted & roll with it! The dress fit similar to last years Homecomimg dress & many of her friends dresses fit the same. We soon discovered that none of her dresses (nor the ones she’s wore in years past) would’ve passed the school’s version of “modest” THIS YEAR.
Upon arrival she was told she could not enter. MANY of the girls were turned away. Some were given a long black T-shirt after entering to cover their sinful dresses. When the black T’s were gone, they just told the girls they could not enter. Now, we’re not talking about 10-20 girls, we’re talking nearly 1/2 of the girls were turned away.
As you can see, the girls all looked beautiful! The right row of these pics are them sporting their cover-up T’s or clothes found in lockers at the school. 
They spent time & money on hair, make-up, nails etc. They wear uniforms daily and thoroughly enjoy getting dressed up. They do this for the event & for themselves. The dresses they choose are because THEY like how they look and feel while wearing it. THEY DO NOT MAKE THEIR OUTFIT CHOICE FOR THEIR DATES! Many go without dates. Of course a compliment or positive attention helps reinforce they look nice in their outfit of choice, but they don’t do it for the boys. Yet the “code” and behavior of the staff in charge of this event basically made them all feel shamed for their appearance. Shamed for showing their curves or to much leg. Some were left standing outside crying. Some of those with tears in their eyes were freshman excited to attend their first Homecoming, or seniors looking forward to their last. Some just left and did who knows what. I know when I was in high school if we were turned away from a dance there’d be a party getting started earlier than planned. How smart is it to turn high school kids away from a safe environment on a Saturday night between 8-10pm. NOT SMART!
I went to catholic school for 8 years. I know the rules, but sometimes rules are meant to broken. The school obviously wanted to make their point this year! When black giant T-shirts are on deck to be handed out & students from other schools are not permitted to attend, it becomes obvious THIS was the year they were going to be over the top in their “code” enforcement. It became obvious there was an agenda.
My daughters are all in catholic schools. Yes, we as parents chose this knowing the dress code and other guidelines of the school. We chose it for education, community & Faith. I have zero regrets in our choice to send the girls to their current schools. The community and friends we have through both schools have been amazing. Through my cancer battle they provided meals, sent cards & gifts, offered hugs and simply have been there when/if needed. Yet I have complete disappointment in how the administration chose to enforce their “code” that evening. I also just don’t agree with the code. Let us do the parenting and approve or disapprove of how our children present themselves. I mean, let’s be real here, with social media these days there’s not much left to the imagination anyway. Girls post in bikinis while vacationing with family/friends. They wear sports bras & spandex while going for a run. My daughters have been wearing short spandex for volleyball since they were 11.
Girls Athletic uniforms at the school all show more skin than the dresses worn that night!! A fellow mom posted this to her twitter account after her daughter was clothed in the black T of shame. 
I’m choosing to vent because I’d love to see some change. I’d love for my daughter and her friends to get an apology. I’d love for this behavior to not be shoved under the rug. There are 4 other catholic schools in town with the same dress code for Homecoming. The girls from other schools I’ve seen in their dance pictures are all wearing the same types of dresses our students wore. They were able to attend their Homecoming without drama. They did not get covered up in a black (scarlet letter) T or shamed for showing their curves. Simply put – they were not judged.
The year is 2019 people! Girls are more confident and strong these days. I wish I had the confidence girls today have when I was younger. The times are different. I could go on forever about how upset the actions of the schools Dean of girls and the teachers leading the Homecoming committee left many of us, but sadly I feel it’s on deaf ears. Next year maybe I’ll try to bust out some of my HOCO attire for Maria to borrow. Surely these looks will be back in style by then?
Here’s the upside – we as parents seem to be doing something right. Our girls solved the problem, went back in that dance and had a good time. They used sarcasm to voice their opinions with posts of themselves in their T’s, sweats and shorts. They vocalized their thoughts! WATCH THIS VIDEO that a classmate of Maria’s posted to her tic-toc & twitter account. Confidence at its finest!
At the end of the day, all we can do is parent our own children. Have open dialogue when they’re upset or confused. Teach them values, to respect themselves, to respect others, to defend their honor and to always keep their heads held high, regardless of the circumstances.
Love your curves ladies! I know I’m going to for the rest of my life…even if they’re “man-made”.