LIVE & LAUGH

Do you remember this bedtime prayer? I recall saying this nightly as a child and ending it with “and bless mom & dad and Troy and my cousins, and…..” I would basically end up “blessing” 3/4 of the United States and Canada by the time I was finished. Let’s take a few steps back and read the prayer again. Why in the world did my routine bedtime prayer include “if I should DIE before I wake”!?! I must not have paid attention to what I was saying because if I thought I could die in my sleep on the daily, I’m thinking I would never want to go to sleep! Who knows, maybe that’s why I’m such a night-owl as an adult.

Every day we have choices to make. What time to wake up, what to eat, what to wear, the list goes on and on and on. Everything we do involves making a choice. There are several easy, thoughtless choices often followed by choices that involve some pondering. But do we wake up in the morning and CHOOSE to live? Nope, I’m pretty sure that’s chosen for you at that moment you actually wake…I mean, you woke up, therefore it’s pretty obvious at that point?

I’ve been diagnosed with Cancer and do not bat an eye at the concern of not waking in the morning. I just assume I will. I assume every morning I will wake to a new day of choices & adventures. The REAL question is, do I PLAN to LIVE life? To live in the now and be present for all that’s put on my plate. We are graced daily with a routine opening of the eyes that launches our next choice. The Dene’ prior to November 8th made choices a little differently. Don’t get me wrong, “to snooze or not to snooze” the alarm is still probably the first choice I make when I wake? Yet the mornings are simply a bit different now.

Sometimes I “wake up in the morning feeling like P.Diddy, grab my glasses I’m out the door – gonna hit the city. When I leave I brush my teeth with a bottle of Jack” ok, that was more consistent with a younger version of me, but thanks Kesha for the catchy tune! The truth is every morning I wake it’s just another day closer to the end of this 2019 countdown. Another day closer to the next chemo; another day of headcover decisions; another day of changing the wound dressing that never wants to heal; another day of applying scar lightening serum; another day of making myself stay positive and another day of LIVING!

I might have a whole lot of BS to deal with daily, weekly, monthly, but I’m here. I’m here to listen to my husband fart first thing in the morning; here to nag my kids to get out of bed 100 times before they actually do; here to sleep in if it was a rough night; here to coach softball or volleyball; here to make jokes, be sarcastic…to laugh or cry….I’M HERE!

Yesterday I was looking for a new vehicle and took one for a spin. I drive home and parked in the garage, looked around at my current vehicle and all it’s flaws and thought “why get a new car? I can put some money into this one and it will last another year or two”. I called my husband to tell him my thoughts and he quickly replied “No! I want you to have a new car – You deserve it”. It almost brought tears to my eyes. Literally 10 minutes prior to my call he was informed that the wife of a friend of his found out her cancer from over a decade prior had returned and metastasized to the lung. She is in the ICU due to an infection and/or the cancer. She is much older than me but cancer doesn’t know your age & doesn’t play favorites. We hope & pray she will win this battle too and return to good health. It was an eye-opening moment that led to him telling me to get the new car. To have whatever I wanted because we should live in the now!

I’ve spent over 20 years helping folks save for long term goals & manage risk with life & disability insurance. Now I’m about to tell myself to worry more about today, then 20 years from now. It’s a terrible thing to say or feel, but I may not be guaranteed more than 20 years. My mindset involves me being on this earth at least another 30 so the man upstairs better get on board. Regardless of my mortality, I do plan to continue living in the now. When you see me helping coach a softball game the evening of “chemo Thursday” it’s because I WANT to experience that moment. I could choose to be resting but that’s lamo. When you see me out whooping it up tonight watching the Bluejackets game it’s because I want to be in that moment.

You see, many think that a cancer diagnosis or any illness is reason to rest & enjoy more sleep but I am trying to see it as more of a reason to get out and continue to live. I might be tired and need to sit for a minute or delegate some of the daily activities to others but I’m going to continue to be me and continue to Live in the Now. I’m going to try to not sweat the small stuff, to enjoy time with family more and work on more of my personal goals. That part has been tough for me in general. I REALLY need to write the bucket list and start crossing items off. I need to “just do it” as I wrote many posts ago.

I think we all need to live more in the now and stop worrying about the little things. There’s nothing I enjoy more than a good belly laugh and those that know me know that my laugh is loud and at times contagious. Even when times are tough we need to laugh. We need to STOP being petty or negative in general. I’m definitely guilty of having Debbie downer moments or losing my temper over silly things but I keep fighting to stay positive and laugh. Even if it requires me to binge watch some funny series on Netflix just to make me laugh. It can be a good ab workout too?

My task for you today (and everyday) is to laugh. If you find yourself complaining about something silly or are just in a bad mood – go find laughter! It’s the best therapy!