Love & Marriage

Love and marriage, love and marriage
It’s an institute you can’t disparage
Ask the local gentry
And they will say it’s elementary”

…Gotta love Frank Sinatra for this catchy song and the Bundy’s for making it memorable in their own way. Monday marked 19 years of marriage and almost 24 years together with my hubby James Samuel Sanfillipo III. Now, lets rewind to the day we met…

I walk into a bar by the name of “Vinny’s Pub” for my first day of bartending the happy-hour shift at 3pm. I’m wearing overall shorts, a white T and fake Birkenstock’s (couldn’t afford the real deal). As I walk around behind the bar ready to learn the lay of the land, I look at the patrons and think to myself “cute boy at the end of the bar” followed by “its 3pm, why’s this dude my age boozing mid-day”!? I mean college age folks didn’t go out until after 10pm unless it was a beautiful spring day and we decided to blow off class and go to the Flying Tomato. Well, at least that was the routine I was used to in the mid 90’s.

That first day at Vinny’s I asked about the “patrons” and what’s the deal with the young one hanging with the older dudes. Jason Endsly whom hired me (and sadly is now deceased) said “OH, that’s Flippo! Dad gave him a business and he’s here all the time with a wod of cash”. Jason said this in a tone that I assumed “Flippo” was a silver spoon kid and maybe Jason didn’t care for him. Ironically, if Jason didn’t offer me a job one random night I was there with friends, I wouldn’t have met my husband of now 19 years.

Well, “Flippo” introduces himself to me as Jimmy and proceeded to ask me out for 6 months straight before I finally agreed to a date. At first I just thought the dude was a drunk that liked happy hour, but when he consistently met me at the juke box when I went to play music for the bar and asked me to go on a date, I figured out he was there on the daily because of me. He came in for almost all of my shifts, stayed to help me close at times before going to work at 2am. Yep, his hours were nuts and NOPE Daddy didn’t “give” him a business. He took on a bunch of debt and was working his 20’s away to build something. As a matter of fact, his work ethic and drive to succeed is one of his most attractive traits to this day. Of course he wasn’t to bad on the eyes either, but I couldn’t (and still kinda can’t) comprehend what he was doing when I was in my last year of college having a blast. Making money, instead of spending, while all my friends came into the bar night after night until 2am. When we were all going to bed at 3-4am, he was WORKING!

Well, if you haven’t guessed by now, I eventually said yes to his multi-month quest and we dated until we married in 2000. We had fun when picking the song for the wedding party. We chose “They All Laughed”. If you’re not familiar Click here to listen and you’ll understand why. Basically, all his friends told him to give up because I was never going to date him.

Well, he won! And Tricia ended up being right because I didn’t move to Chicago. Jimmy did actually give me the out. He said “I’m not going to be responsible for any regrets, if you want to still go, you should go”. After 24 years, 3 kids, 3 dogs, 2 cats and 2 houses later…I made the right choice.

As we fast forward to now, I can look back at so many wonderful memories we’ve made. Let’s be realistic, nothing is perfect all the time. We are human and have had our fair share of tests. I prefer to say that HE’S had his fair share of tests. I have to admit I’ve provided a challenge or two in between the marital bliss.

I always had a bit of a wall around me. If we have a wall or keep our guard up…it keeps out any potential hurt, right?! At the young age of 45 I’m still working on this…not sure why it’s so difficult to be completely “human” and vulnerable. This poor Jimmy, Jamie, Flippo guy that I married 19 years ago has patiently chipped away at the wall. The tenacity he has in business has shined through into his personal life as well.

Throughout the years I’ve watched him go from going to work at 2am as one of the drivers doing deliveries, with 2 employees and just he and his dad running the show; to going in to work when he wants (8-9am) with 50 employees, and a business that has grown substantially to allow him to provide for our family to have a fantabulous life!

Not only has he grown a successful business, he has supported me in my business. When I wanted to throw in the towel many times, he was there to talk me off the ledge. His voice of reason and continuous support for me in business has allowed me to be self employed too while still being the mom that can volunteer for everything and feel present in our children’s lives. (My fave family pic)

This might go without saying, but the guys a great dad too! It’s interesting though because he would be the first to tell you he missed a lot of Maria’s childhood. Not because he was MIA deadbeat dad, but because he was working. Working for us! He was going to bed at 8pm and working from 2am to 2pm when Maria was a baby. It seemed with every pregnancy announcement the weight on his shoulders felt heavier. Thankfully growth and good employees allowed for him to get closer to normal work hours and feel more present in the early years of both Gina and Julia. Thankfully nobody remembers much of their early years so all three girls feel they’ve had equal Daddy time since day one?

November 8, 2018 offered a true test to our family and marriage. Not the type of test that involves arguments or hinderance on a relationship. I don’t know that “test” is even the right word, maybe more like a challenge. When cancer or anything that makes you think about mortality is introduced into a relationship and/or family it’s definitely a challenge. I’m here to tell you that like many challenges in life, he handled it head on with all hands on deck, ready to take on the battle and put it to bed…no questions asked! His love for me was so evident and true through fearful eyes. I was reminded then what I learned 24 years ago, this guy was for real and will be by my side through thick & thin, in sickness & health. Life isn’t perfect & will always offer challenges. I look forward to our 20th anniversary when much of this challenge is put to bed and continue to live life to the fullest for many many years.

Happy Anniversary Jimmy, Jamie, James, I wouldn’t want to live this life with anyone else❤️