ONE YEAR

It was 8:30am on a Thursday, last November 8th when I heard the words “you have cancer”. My gut had already told me the results would be positive but it wasn’t real until that moment. I was in Toledo with my brother, as the next day was my moms open heart surgery. We were staying at Hampton Inn (or Holiday Inn, I forget) and as I spoke to the Nurse I was jotting down notes on their Hotel notepad. One of many downsides to this news is that it’s a process. Many tests to confirm, then once confirmed, more tests and then your given treatment options. Even the options have options and your left in a mind-F hoping the choices you make are the right ones.

Then comes the emotions. As I sat on that Hotel bed I had a moment of tears and anger and the infamous “what if it’s all over my body” fear, even though they JUST told me over the phone that it’s early stage 1, grade 2. It seems to be human nature to think the worst, even if just for a moment. Well, I proceed to call my BFF Kelly & my husband. Yes, he was second, I was nervous to drop the bomb on him so I “practiced” by calling Kelly. Then called Cousin Heidi, texted a couple friends, then told Troy. Ironically, my brother was in the room across the hall but found out last. Ok, not last, but after quite a few others. Why? He was sleeping! Why wake the dude when he needs his beauty rest. Eventually I wake him. We needed to get to the hospital to see mom. We meet in the hallway to walk to the elevators. In typical Troy/Dene’ style, the conversation went something like this:

Me: Doctors office called

Troy: and…what did they say?

Me: It’s positive – I went and got me some Cancer.

Troy: seriously?

Me: yep- I friggin knew it was gonna be positive

Troy: That sucks!

Me: Indeed

We then went about our day. Troy and I have a lot of game-face practice as well as “it is what it is” sceneries, therefore the uncontrollable crying hugs are not our thing…unless alcohol is involved. Even then, it’s not a guarantee ?.

Since that day a year ago, the days looked a bit different. Me and webMD started a solid love-hate relationship. There was the daily awkwardness of seeing someone and wondering if I should spill the beans or not. Then came the real-deal, the “get rid of it” plan.

In 12 months I’ve had several tests, labs & the like, 6 surgeries (I think), 16 chemo treatments, been baldilocks with no eyelashes or eyes brows, worn many wigs, had 5 anti-hormone injections in my abdomen, lot-o-meds, and probably more that I’m forgetting because chemo brain really is a thing!

One might say that life changed forever that day…but did it? In the past 12 months I’ve blogged, worked, Coached softball & volleyball, attended my cousins weddings in Florida & Cabo, vacationed with family, enjoyed attending High School & OSU football games, read books with Gina & Julia, went to Lollapalooza with Maria, raised funds for Reagans Hope at Fall Fest, sold 200 pairs of pink socks for Breast Cancer Awareness, limped my way through Race for the Cure and wrapped it all up with a hip replacement. I saw beautiful sunsets & sunrises. I watched my girls play sports. I saw their beautiful smiles daily and even enjoyed listening to the fights (at times). Sadly, I watched my cousins lose their fathers with grace and dignity. I laughed, cried, and learned that emotions are ok to feel. I received breakfast in bed so many times I can’t count as my husband demonstrated daily how amazing he truly is by stepping up beyond my expectations and reminding me that often actions DO speak louder than words. I received cards, ornaments and gifts from family, friends and even strangers.

So when it’s seems obvious that my life changed forever that day a year ago, it did, but not necessarily for the worse. I chose to live life to the best of my ability given the circumstances, regardless of the barriers put in front of me. My eyes were opened to the amazing kindness that others have to offer. I became closer to my family & potentially became a better wife, mother, friend.

A couple weeks ago, a recent College grad from a fellow volleyball family said to me “ADULTING IS HARD”. I told her to stay young as long as she can, but she is right. LIFE IS TOUGH at times. ADULTING IS TOUGH! For some, harder than others, but we have choices to make. We can wallow in our sorrow or rise up and fight. Sure, every day wasn’t my best day, but the good still outweighed the bad. We will all be faced with challenges in life. Bad things happens. Sad things happen. How we handle them is what really counts. When Cancer knocks on your door, you are faced with mortality. I never really thought death. Yes, it could shorten my lifespan, but even if this evil disease were to return, I’ll choose to live again & again. To live life to the fullest and break my bank account doing it (shhh?).

Regardless of the daily grind or ongoing treatment needed to keep the C-word at bay; what I take from this year is that I’m one lucky gal! I’m surrounded by amazing people and most importantly when faced with adversity…JUST. KEEP. GOING. Or as Dory would say “JUST KEEP SWIMMING”