I’m trying to get used to my new “normal”. The new reflection in the mirror, the new wig, the new hats & scarves and the new breast size! Yep, I said it, breast size! If you’re reading this and you’ve known me for more than 5 minutes you know I was blessed by the bosom gods. I’ve been told by friends I’m still rather endowed but tell that to my clothes!
Saturday is the school auction fundraiser and we didn’t commit to going due to the unknown of chemo. Well, we may still go after all. I’m feeling fine post chemo and by Saturday will definitely be feeling fine. The main concern at this point would be exposure to germs and WHAT TO WEAR! Every dress in my closet was purchased while sporting my DD tata’s. If I’m going to wear any of them I’d need to revert back to the 5th grade me and stuff my bra! I know, I know, it could be worse. It can always be worse…but let me have a woe-is-me minute here people!
So after trying on some (ok all) of my dresses, I’ve narrowed it down to one that would work. Now the next thing is hair. My “new normal” is supposed to wear the wig I paid a bagillion $ for but I haven’t mustered up the confidence to do so. It’s weird that I’d rather look like the cancer patient wearing a hat vs just wearing the damn wig. I guess I’ll get used to it once I start, so today is the day. The day I wear the wig from the minute I leave the house to the minute I come home. Did you know real hair wigs can be styled? Yep, styled using curling irons, flat irons, etc. So, If we go to the auction, I’ll need to figure out how to style it. I’ll also have that anxious feeling the minute I walk in that everyone knows it’s a wig. DUH! (Although it really does look almost identical to my pre-balidilocks hair). Thanks to my openness while blogging, 3/4 of the people attending the auction know what’s up anyway. Part of me wants to get a wig that’s not at all like my normal hair and wear that one Saturday. Why? Because if it’s common knowledge I’m wearing a wig, why not have some fun with it!
Next new norm I’m getting used to is of course wound & scar maintenance. The gauze packing that I mentioned in my last post is part of normalcy for another 2-3 weeks. Good news is that I saw doc today and he said I can now go to packing it only once a day. YAY ME! He also said it looks good and is healing just fine. Phew! Anymore set backs would be super annoying. Scar maintenance will entail maderma, aloe, vitamin E for as long as it takes to get this hip to hip beauty of a scar to fade.
Life Scheduling has a new norm turn as well. I’m scheduling life around chemo treatments. I’ve discovered that chemo day plus 3 days entail sleeping my life away, therefore I won’t be planning much during that time or attending whatever sports or social events that fall during that time. Again, I’m happy to report that I feel myself by day 4. It’s odd because I expected chemo to wreak more havoc on me. Fingers crossed that I didn’t just jinx myself though? I do have 14 more treatments so I’m still not holding my breath.
My “new normal” encompasses every facet of my life…personal, home, work, etc. The reality is that my “normal” of November 7, 2018 and prior is gone. The new normal for me will always be from this cancer journey. My hair will grow back, my scars will fade, my shirts & dresses will be filled properly again (ha), my personal story won’t need told as often, but I will always be the cancer survivor and I’m OK with that! This journey is teaching me a lot about myself. I’m stronger and more confident & tackling life in a different way. This blog alone has given me the extra nudge to write, which I’ve always wanted to do, but just…didn’t! I’ve learned more about how solid my friendships are and have grown relationships with complete strangers. Our St. Brendan/Watterson community has reminded me of the importance of faith & fellowship.
November 8th 2018, I joined a club. A club that you don’t want to join. A club that is full of the most amazing, strong, determined people that will cross my path. This club has a scary initiation, but is full of nothing other than inspiration! Members of this club can conquer all & will.
…I’m pretty ok with my new normal
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~Each day that I’m living in my new norm, I feel a bit more writers block! At least in terms of my breast cancer journey. I don’t have a ton of new info to share but do want to continue blogging. SOOOOO, I’m asking YOU to participate! PLEASE use the comment area below on the blog or in comments on Facebook to ask me questions or ask me to expand upon a topic, feeling, etc. If you’re a survivor reading this and want to chime in or if you’ve just been diagnosed and are fearful of what’s to come ~ I want to help! If you’re family, friend, or never met me, I welcome questions & feedback! Please ASK AWAY!
Let’s call this….talk to me Tuesday! Sort of a “Dear Abby” moment?
READY, SET, GOOOOO!
Dene, do you have a family history of cancer or was this a total surprise to you? I have learned so much from your blog so keep doing it. I have been fortunate that cancer has not been a part of my life. My family dies from Heart Attacks. I also am curious how your girls are dealing with this? It has to be pretty scary for them.
Hi Darlene! I’ll try to touch on all points without babbling to much?
1. I do have family history of breast cancer on both maternal and paternal aides BUT not genetically. I tested negative for all genetic markers.
2. Heart disease is prevalent in our family on both sides as well as lung cancer. My grandmothers both passed from lung cancer. Yes, they were smokers. Part of me wants to say the increase in Breast Cancer (1 of 8 women) is environmental, but it could also just be science. Perhaps women that passed from lung, liver, bone, or other cancers in past generations maybe could have started in the breast and went undetected until it metastasized. Now I’m no MD so that statement could also be completely off base.??♀️ Regardless, the numbers are scary, but the increase in diagnosis is a bit relieving because it’s a cancer that can be removed and prevented before it enters other areas of the body. SO GET THOSE MAMMAGRAMS AND DO SELF EXAMS!
3. The girls have handled it all differently. I feel my openness and wearing all of this in my sleeve has actually helped our family in general. When something is so taboo, to me it seems more frightening. With their ages being so spread apart we handled it based upon them. Maria was more quiet and internalized her emotions. Most likely due to the fact she simply is educated on the subject more. She was not to keen at first to my blogging and/or any attention from others on the matter. That’s changed now & she’s actually the one that made the awesome hair night video. Gina cried alot (‘cause Gina’s a bit of a cryer). She asked questions and was more vocal at home and school. Julia just took it all in and still is. She’s smart and when she asks questions their good ones. For her, the hair loss part I think made her the most uneasy because to kids, the baldness makes you “look sick” even if you’re feeling fine. All-in-all they’re doing great and I think the fear part has subsided for them. Moms baldness, chemo days, pains and future surgeries are part of their “new norm” too.
Dene, I have know you all of your life and the 1st thing I want to say is Love You and love the blog! 2nd, somehow I was late to the knowledge of this journey you are on, would you mind discussing a little about how you discovered the C word? I have recently and reluctantly scheduled my annual (3 years late) boob smash, partly because of you as well as 2 other people I am close with who are on the same journey and partly because I finally have some time. But, how did you find out? Thanks! Sending you love and prayers as I have been!
I’m glad you have it scheduled! Don’t procrastinate anymore. I felt a lump on top left breast. I blew it off for a bit bc I had non-cancerous fibroids in past. When I spoke to an old neighbor of ours on Halloween and she told me her diagnosis, Jimmy and I thought it be wise to call the doc. 9 days later, I had the diagnosis. It all happened pretty quick. I was 10 months out from last ultrasound too. I was supposed to have a mam last June, but somehow missed that memo?
I had a quiet moment while driving carpool to catch up on your blog. I can picture you standing in your room with all your dresses strewn on the bed and over a chair. This sounds like a great moment to call in reinforcements (enter Heather Edwards). But seriously thank you for sharing your truth and opening my eyes to your day to day (your new norm). Love you! Heidi R
Dene , You are a true inspiration! Like your friend Karen, this blog really touched me as well! The new normal hit home as my new normal, adjusting to amputation and prosthesis. Although I did not have to deal with cancer. Many of the things you mentioned with wounds and feelings and new norms really hit home. Your blog is so inspiring to everyone facing life’s tough times. You are very strong and I have found strength as well, more than I thought I had. Your words are helping so many! You just keep doing what your doing. Words cannot cover how proud I am of you! Love you bigger than United States and Canada!! Lol. ❤️ Love ya! Aunt Connie
I get a lot of my amazingness from my Aunt Connie? Your new normal is a tough one as well! Probably even tougher! We’ll just have to keep on embracing our new norms together ?
I used to know someone who had al
Kinda of different wigs to wear…..all colors and styles. Have fun with it and know that you are gorgeous with or without hair!
Dene, you are such an inspiration! As I read today’s blog, the new normal really hit me. It is what I have had to deal with since my husband’s sudden death in 2015. So – although I haven’t had to deal with cancer, your blog really spoke to me today. Prayers & faith have carried me since Ray’s death & they will carry you through this journey. Bless you! ?
Love your blog ❤️ Thank you for sharing your story with all of us – it is so important! Keep Going, Keep Going, Keep Going ???
I love reading your blog. Its so real & very personal…thank you for sharing. I know we only “met” thru Facebook…but we are both part of this crazy club forever.
I HATED my wig & gave it up after not too many wearings. I liked hats more than scarves…but that was me. Yay for only 1x day packings. That is HUGE!!!
Keep being you. Keep being strong. Keep being an inspiration!